Go girl! No, seriously, just friggin' go...

Enough already. So Rihanna is numbero uno for the 10th week running now. Big bloody deal. Hanging around at the top of the charts like some stale cat's piss of a bad smell that we'll never get rid of now. But did anyone tell you that she's done it while selling, in total, a miserly 300k copies of the wretched thing? (UK darlings, UK, i know we've gone global but lets focus here...). Let me put that into perspective. Gnarls Barkley had done nearly 700k copies when they reached the same landmark last year.
Remember "Crazy"? Y'know, a milestone in music history? The coming of the digital age? A sign that we're all flocking en masse to loony itoons to gorge ourselves on a smorgasbord of undiscovered musical delicacies? Codswallop. It was just a bone fide classic "record". This, on the other hand, is most certainly not.
But 300k copies in 10 weeks at number one? The digital age, i hate to tell you, has obviously come, had a look around, thought sod that and f***ed off again. Either that or the only reason this tosh has stayed at number one is cos to get to a bloody record shop at the moment to buy anything else you need a canoe, or a pedalboat, and funny enough none of us have one handy.
Strange tho, that every 12 year old from here to Botswana has the song piping out their mobile, out their iPod, out the back of their bloody heelies, and by the sounds of it OUT OF THEIR FRIGGIN ARSES...all cos one brat in Hemel Hempstead has bluetoothed it free to the entire global population of under 16s with the push of one button and a smiley emoticon...not, obviously, cos anyones actually, heaven forbid, bought the bloody thing...Wet. Wet. And friggin Wet.
Speaking of which, 1.8million by the time THAT hit 10 wks at number one. "I feel it in my fingers". "I feel it in my tooooes". You'll feel a blunt brass instrument in your friggin face if you sing one more line from that christ awful record.